Your penis is 'this' big.

My goal wasn't to disappoint you. That just sort of happened.

When men say they want a woman with a sense of humor, they really mean they want a woman who thinks they're funny

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn't know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn't know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself a complete makeover. She told him, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and brought the man new golf clubs, and iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much"

The third woman took the $5,000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned $5,000 to the man and re-invested the rest, She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of his girlfriends had spen the money, and then he decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl

If men had periods they would brag about the size of their tampons. True Story

All Men are born free then some get married

Men's Worst Nightmare. The Time Traveler's Wife. My sister's keeper. Notebook

Mistakes Men Make : 1. doing things. 2. not doing things. 3. thinking about doing things. 4. not thinking about doing things

What every man want for Valentine's Day

Men, if you're wondering why she no longer treats you like a king.. ask yourself. "Do I still treat her like a queen?"

This is how men handle a boo boo

No one has a steadier hand than a man shaving his balls

Men's rules for Women

We keep getting all these, "rules from the woman's side", emails so we figured it was time for a "rules from the man's side" email, these are our rules! Learn Them, memorize them and use them!

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. if it's up, put it down, we need it up, you need it down. you don't hear us whining about you leaving it down.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. live with it.

Saturday Sports

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! just say it.

we don't remember dates. mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.

Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. that's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Check your oil. please

anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. in fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.

if you think you're fat. you probably are. don't ask us. we refuse to answer that question anymore.

if something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry. we meant the other one.

let us look. it doesn't hurt anyone, and for us. it's genetic.

whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

All men see in only 16 colours. peach for example is a fruit, not a colour. we have no idea what mauve is

we are not mind readers and we never will be

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing". we will believe you.

when we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine

you have enough clothes.

you have too many shoes.

it is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couh tonight, but did you know, we really don't mind that, it's like camping :)

NO man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman

A Real man takes care of his kids no matter what the relationsip is with the mother of his child

Treating your woman like a queen is not called being whipped it's called being a a man

A Real bestfriend makes your family question your sexuality

I'm not always up before 7am but when I am, it's not because I haven't gone to sleep

I wish you were in my bed as much as you are in my head