These are your kids on books

So you think I'm batshit crazy..? say it again to my fae.. so you can get the full experience

He woke up and started to get off the couch then went back to sleeping like this...

I don't always play the villain but when I do, I'm more popular than the hero

The only culture you have is bacteria

Yes, Yes, I see now. You're a cunt.

Facial Hair. Acceptable. The minimum. The tracker. The trucker. Mr. Natural. Unacceptable. Emasculator. The douchebag. Bruce. Prison Pussy. The Nut Smudge. The Fop. Minus Balls. The Joke.

Ever been tempted to cheat on your wifey? when it happens to me, one glance at her pic in my wallet and I'm like "Naaaah... I love her too much!"

I hate it when you open the fridge and can't find what you were looking for. Like happiness and perfect abs

You look like I need a drink

Shit Tyrone. get it together

It's international Women's Day! let's burn our bras! just kidding.. my boobs are big and I need this

I'm not saying she is a whore. I'm just saying that her vagina is used inappropriately more often than my cell phone on vibrate

I've made you a cake. What flavor is it? It is full of shit and lies, just like you

Cheezburger not ripe yet

I know lal the new phrases : "cowabunga", "radical", caat's pajamas, duh and hey, homie don't play that

A little party never killed nobody

Just wanted you to know that I've planned something spontaneous for later.

Yeah, I know there's a special place in Hell for me it's called the throne

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it have to be a group activity?