Hey, Mom, just let us know when you want to go to the bathroom, and we'll come in and stare at you and ask for food.

Me : Mom! Help! my Boyfriend fell down and he can't get up! hurry! call an ambulance. Mom : Pick up your poster and shut up

I often walk a fine line between "super fun" mom and "kinda-psychotic-maybe-we-should-call-the-authorities" mom.

Parenting : Eating the last three cookies because you have four children

It's important to be honest with your children. Mommy, I did make up! do I look pretty!

I wanted to relax today and then I remembered... I'm a mom. it was a cute thought

That moment you realize that being a stay-at-home mom means you never leave work

If the Surgeon general made a warning label for kids, it would probably say : " Might cause rapid weight gain, bladder weakness, loss of memory, alcoholism and insanity"

Ever had a job where you had no previous experience, no training, you couldn't quit, and people's lives were at stake? That's parenting

Mom sleep : the act in which your eyes are closed but you hear everything the kids are getting into

Letting your child "help" you the quickest way to discover you are the world's biggest control freak

I love all of my children equally. Except for the one that naps. I love that one more

My Wife gives people a shock when she turns around

My mom said I should pause my game. pause... an online game

For those who don't know the story behind this.

For those who don't know the story behind this.

Before Maggie was born, Homer Simpson worked at the Nuclear Plant because he needed the money to pay for all the debt. Once Homer Simpson finally payed the debt, he quit his job to work at his dream job at the bowling alley. When Homer Simpson found out that Marge was pregnant with Maggie, he became depressed that he had to quit his job at the bowling alley because the salary couldn't support them. When Homer Simpson begged Mr. Burns for his old life back, he put a plaque that reads "Don't forget, you're here forever." When Maggie was born, Homer instantly fell in love with here. When lisa asked Homer where did all Maggie's baby pictures went, Homer explains that he keeps it where he needs it the most.

Be a Grandfather they said.. it'll be fun they said

Every Mother on earth gave birth to a child except my mother, She gave birth to a Legend. High Five Mom

Our daughter scored 90 percent in cbse class 12 board exams.. school topper in english and school 4th rank. expected a little more.. but still happy about it! and this is what is wrong with this Country

If you get married do you have to let your wife look at your penis? not necessarily lol my wife always looks at mine before she puts it her mouth. for Gods Sake Dad

Fuckk. I'm so tired. what! watch the lanuage girl! watch your mouth or I will come to Tallahassee and wash your mouth out I mean it you know better. and I have been up as long as you have so watch.