Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

Ghost Hug! you can't feel it, but it's there!

I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.

This has been great, but I think I'll go back to doing whatever I want all the time.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them

I love the sound of rain pattering outside my window as I sleep. it sounds like bacon frying

Take 50 selfies deletes 49 stares at that one selfie till it turns ugly deletes that too

I find it hard to believe your entire body was in a uterus at one point

I'm not arguiing. I'm explaining why I'm correct.

Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking that men actually spend time thinking