Thursday, July 31, 2014

I'm going to introduce you to Pinterest. but first, please take a moment to say good bye to your family & friends

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. oh, and getting fat. Getting fat scares me, too.

Good luck without me.

I like to stalk my own Pinterest boards to remind myself what awesome taste in life I have

I never faked a sarcasm in my life

I had a dream once.

Today I shall be witty, charming and elegant. or maybe I'll say "um" a lot and trip over things

People think I'm quiet because I'm shy. Actually, I've been silently judging all of you and I think you're all idiots

I'm simultaneously the nicest and meanest person you'll ever meet

When life knocks you down.. Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say "You hit like a bitch"

Being single sucks all I get to do anymore is whatever the fuck I want

Sorry, I don't meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller-coaster

Sorry you're intimidated by me

I don't always go outside at night. But when I do, I sprint back in the house so the creatures of the night don't get me

Your posts are so fascinating. How did you learn to say "I want Attention" in so many different ways?

You know what sucks about being us? not a God damn thing!

I thought I was a good person until I started to read all these mean ecards & was like "that's totally me!" Now I see what an asshole I really am

Being the Pope. It's a Tough Job

I haven't heard from you lately, and I've really enjoyed it

Oh honey, you're not pretty enough to be that stupid

Well, don't say you want a Lego tower tournament if you can't handle losing..

One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you in the face. very Hard.

Don't let my looks deceive you. I have the mouth of a sailor, temper of an Italian housewife, and tolerance of an Irishman

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Crazy how nature make dat.

Someone in my office apparently tried to copy whatever was on their iPad Screen.

Wtf is obamas last name? does anyone know?

Justin Bieber I got hit by ur car twice today but its ok bcuz I love u

Did anyone else use to think Alaska was an island? Totally argued with someone for an hour about it. Thank you, map of the US for making me feel dumb. NOPE. just found that out. But its simple mistake. like, the map for real shows it ALL by itself, not connected to anything

OMG I'm so happy that Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday this year! UCLA educated ladies and gentlemen

The What? I can't wait to cut the andbuildadacord when my daughter is born

The 4th of July on the 16th or the 15th? The 15th I think. ooh ok good looks boo

Why the fuck should I go to someone's funeral if they aren't going to attend mine?

Boys with Eyes

Drove all the way home thinking I had a flat tire but I was actually missing a tire

I got told earlier that putting bleech on your teeth whitens them. so Iv just put bleech on my teeth what's going to happen to me because I'm smelling like a swimming pool! Omg your such an idiot!

Blue Whale is a Mammal not an Animal!

Name a country without the letter A in the name. Vigina Europe London Europe Tibet, Hongkong, London. Ohiao. inglAnd mississippi. Texas illinois Kansas Florida. Europe. Hungry. Africa. Newyork Tokyo Denmark Nigeria

Self-Defence Policy. Float like a Butterfly, sting like a bee and if all else fails bite like a bear

Good guy belgium knows USA has a big holiday coming up 4th of July, sends their Footbal team home

That time when you think are you being papped and SUPERMODEL Karlie Kloss is behind you...

Wanna know a secret? Sure. When I first saw you when we were in 2nd grade, I thought you were the prettiest girl in the world and I still do. k. how about you go shove that K up your ass

1. Ana and Elsa are Rapunzel's cousin. 2. it was on the way to Rapunzel's wedding that Ana and Elsa's paretns shipwrecked. 3. It was their shipwreck that Ariel sees in the beginning of Little Mermaid. 4. But they didn't die, they washed up on an island and gave birth to a son named Tarzan. They were later killed by a wildcat. Mind Blown

Since you're here, would you mind giving me something to put on? Like a Boss.

Happy Birthday Tobey Maguire. You're always our spider-man

The Anti-Masturbation Cross. Safely train your children to keep their hands off their dangerous sin zones. Papoose Cross and Arm immobilizer work together to safely secure a self-raping child. adjustable canvas straps with Velcro. Adjustable head strap incorporated into backboard. Optional arm immobilizing accessory slides. under board for firm, spread-eagle position. 5+ years

Krillin don't tell me that you're going to have sex with that thing. don't worry Tie. she's 18. Yeeeaahhhhh

My mom said I should pause my game. pause... an online game

Super Mario Violin

Protein is a Steroid trust me bro

Making the leap. I'm not ready. It's an impossible task. It could be painful. there's too much competition. I can't see what's going to happen I can see exactly what's going to happen. I'm comfortable here. Conditions aren't ideal. what was I waiting for? Grant Snider

Decisions, Decisions...

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